Sins Of My Flesh
by Just Canceled
Summary: Raven is shocked when she sees Beastboy changing. BbxRae, Angst, BBcentric


**Title**: Sins of My Flesh

**Series**: Teen Titans

**Summary**: Raven is shocked when she sees Beastboy changing. BbxRae, Angst, BB-centric

**Chapters**: One-Shot

**Rating**: T (Mild swearing, themes)

**A/N**: Not too much BbxRae, a lot of angst, not too bad though. Fair Warning: Mild OOCness.

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For a moment, there was silence. Blissful silence to Beastboy's sensitive ears. Horrified silence to Raven's mind. This was not what Raven had been expecting when she had went to Beastboy's room to get him for Robin's newly implemented afternoon practice.

The silence broke.

"Beastboy…how did no one notice? I should have noticed!" Raven sighed. "Who did this, Beastboy?"

Beastboy was not ashamed. Nor was he afraid, he was simply resigned to answer her questions. She deserved that much.

"If you want to know about me, you must call me Garfield." He paused waited until she nodded. "This will not be an easy experience, but I'm tired of hiding from my past."

"I understand, Bea…Garfield. I will not judge you."

"I know you wouldn't, Raven, or I wouldn't be talking to you." He turned around, grabbing a shirt before lowering it over his shoulders, and the horrible scars carved into his skin, the pattern of angel wings.

"I contracted a disease when I was young, after being bitten by a green monkey in Africa. My parents were researchers, which was why we were in Africa. I don't know the specifics, but in the end, they cured me, by fusing my DNA with that of animals. Animals could survive the disease I had, humans could not. So you see, Raven, I am an animal." Raven was silent, this was his memory, and she couldn't interrupt.

"A snake attacked my mother, the first time I changed. I changed into a mongoose to kill the snake. My parents accepted me, the villagers did not. I was a bright green curse upon the village. My parents, they urged me to change, to practice and become stronger with my powers. But in the end, the villagers were right, I was a curse." At this point, Raven let the tears escape.

"A few years later, my parents and I were on a boat. A plane crashed into the boat making it sink. I wanted to save my parents, but my mother made me fly away as a bird. I survived, they didn't. I let them die, and I have never forgiven myself. The chief of the village took me in, raised me for a few years." He paused for breath.

"Until one of the witchdoctors, who hated me, hired two Americans to kill me. They didn't. They were thieves and liars, horrible men; they captured me, kidnapped really. They put me to work for them, as a thief. Treated me as their punching bag during their drunken stupors. I wanted to survive, for whatever reason, I wanted to live. They fed me, so I didn't fight back, though I could have, and saved myself the scars."

"They're the ones…?" Raven asked, carefully. Garfield nodded.

"One night, the larger of the two guys, his name was Lar, he got some really bad drugs. Acid or something, I don't know. He beat up the other guy, Stewart. Then he came after me. He kept saying, 'here, angel, spread your wings and fly'. That's when he held me down…he took out his pocket knife…and he carved the wings into my back. It hurt…oh god, it hurt." He paused, running his hand over his shoulder, trying to soothe away the old pain. "But he didn't stop. My blood was everywhere…I was lying in a puddle of it. I don't really remember what happened next…I snapped, I guess. Next thing I know, Lar and Stewart are dead, they're blood was in my mouth, on my hands. I killed them."

"How did you survive? How are you here with me, Garfield?" Raven was quietly sobbing, not really wanting to hear the rest of his story, but not being able to turn away, knowing he needed to tell her, someone, anyone.

"I lived on the streets for almost a year after that, another street kid. I was small, I could hide, and I was fast, I could move. I stole enough to eat, broke into places to sleep, to bathe, to steal clothes and once in a while, money. Then the doom patrol found me. It's hard not to spot a green kid who can change into animals. They took me in, fed me, and gave me my name. They were distant, and were no more my family then Stu and Lar. It wasn't as bad with them, though. I had food, shelter, clothes, and a purpose. I tried my best, but I always messed up. Then I joined you guys…and now I have a family again. It's not much, but I would die before I'd let anything happen to you guys."

"Oh, Beastboy!" Raven sighed under her breath, desperately trying to regain control of her emotions. "Why did you never tell anyone?"

"And say what? 'Hi, my name is Garfield Logan. I have had a shitty life. Please go on with your lives now'."

"Garfield, tell me about the scars on your arms…who did those?" Beastboy just stared at the floor. Raising his head slowly, he looked at Raven.

"I did." Raven was floored. The smiling jokester was really an unhappy boy. No, an unhappy man.

"Why?"

Why…why had he dug the blade into his flesh? Why had he watched his blood run down from the cuts? Why had he lain on the bathroom floor waiting for the death that would never come?

"As much as I wanted to survive, to live, I want…wanted to die more. It was all I ever had to escape. Some people turn to drugs, I turned to death. Obviously, I never cut deep enough, I just couldn't. I always had hope, no matter what form of hell I was in, I had hope."

"Garfield…I could heal you, remove your scars…"

"No." He looked away for a moment, "They are my memories, my scars, my sins. The sins written upon my flesh…they need to be there, to remind me why I have to fight so hard to help the Titans. Why evil must be defeated. Why I am no longer a sinner."

"Why I have to make you smile."

Raven through her arms around Beastboy's neck. "Don't ever be afraid to come to me, Garfield. I have my scars, too, we'll help each other, okay?" He nodded.

"Other than my parents, the Titans are the first people I've ever loved."

"I…we love you too, you know." He nodded before laying his head on her shoulder.

"Don't ever leave me, Raven, I just…I wouldn't be able to survive, I think."

"I won't leave you, for as long as I am able to fight to stay with you."

"Raven…I love you." Beastboy sighed sleepily onto Raven's shoulder.

"I know, Garfield. I love you too."

**End A/N**: I like scars, I like wings. I do not like how Beastboy got his wings. A lot of angst, a lot of BB background, not too much BbxRae, hopefully. I wanted a BB-centric fic, seeing as how he's one of my two favorite characters (the other being Raven, of course). Anyways, hope you liked, let me know. Thanks for reading.


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